Thursday, April 8, 2010

Sleep Well Sweet thoughts on a recent tragedy

I've been seething about this story for a while, but after watching Dr. Phil just now, I felt compelled to post about it.  I just wanted to send out a prayer to the family of Phoebe Prince, the 15 year old girl who committed suicide presumably because of intense bullying.  It's a sad commentary on the state of our world and our young people, and it's just as sad story period.

I've always wondered what exactly it is that makes people feel they have the right to torment others.  I'm sure it's a combination of bad/lax/inefficient parenting, a lack or moral teaching, entitlement issues, peer pressure...many things.  But no matter how you slice it, no matter what sort of label you want to put on it or how you want to make excuses for it or defend, it's just. plain. wrong.  End of story.  There's NO excuse for pushing someone to the brink of ending their own life.  The shit ISN'T FUNNY.  These demented prick children and their brain-dead gaggle of followers even went so far as to create an entire Facebook page MOCKING the girl's death, and that doesn't include all of the sickeningly evil, disgusting comments that people made on her own memorial page.

I have heard some vile, despicable, evil and demented things in my life, but this is among the lowest. 

There are so many failures here it isn't even funny.  The school, and even the entire district, failed Phoebe.  We as a society failed this girl.  It doesn't seem that a DAMN THING has been learned from the Columbine tragedy, and that was more than 10 years ago.  People knew what was going on with those officials had been warned that something might happen, but it all went on deaf ears.  Phoebe's mother tried to get help from school administrators, but was sadly met with indifference, disbelief, and bureaucratic bull.

I wish I had 5 minutes alone with those so-called "Mean Girls".  Somebody needs to show them what "mean" REALLY can be.  I swear that none of them would last 15 seconds in some schools...the whole thing infuriates me to the point of a migraine.

I was bullied relentlessly in Jr. High school.  It lasted from 8 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon, five days a week, every week until the end of the year, BOTH years.  Prior to that, I had NEVER been bullied -- on the contrary, I was always the one that people came to for defense from bullies.  I won't go into all the details here, but it was torture every day.  I can't begin to tell some of the things that went through my head during that time, and when I look at Phoebe's story I can ONLY say 'there but by the grace of God go I'.  It could've been me.  It should've been me by many definitions, but thankfully I'm still here.

As horrible as my situation was, it almost pales in comparison to what some kids face these days.  I was tortured relentlessly, but at least we didn't have the internet to worry about, or at least not in the same capacity that we have it now.  Social networking has exploded since then -- I didn't have to contend with the big, scary mean bully girls AND Facebook & MySpace attacks AND lurid texts AND Tweets and all the other anonymous bullshit of today.  In the same shoes, who can say how they would've reacted?  Phoebe took the wrong way out -- in my mind, there's no question there, and no matter HOW dark the storm, it will PASS.  But I understand her actions to such a degree that it literally makes me feel sick to my stomach.  My heart bleeds for that girl, and for every other young person driven to such an end.

I am so goddamn sick and tired of this whole "Mean Girl" mentality -- it isn't even seen as a bad thing anymore.  Those girls are cool and sexy and fun and trendy and mean and vicious...and people eat it UP.  It's all just some big goddamn joke.  School administrators have their heads in their asses...they're too worried about test scores and funding to pay attention to REAL issues going on in their own schools.  Teachers have been lamenting these problems for YEARS -- they're on the battlefield and in the trenches and on the front line EVERY DAY and they see so much of these things that go on.  And while some of them could be more diligent and are too lax with discipline, most of them simply have their hands tied; corporal punishment is non-existent, and you can barely even raise your goddamn VOICE at a kid now without getting slapped with a lawsuit.  There's only so much they can do, but they MUST do more.  And the administrators MUST do more.  The parents ABSOLUTELY must do more -- be more involved in what's going on with their kids.  They want to act like their children are perfect, well-behaved little angels, but they don't realize that they're the Devil's angels, not ones of sparkling light and peace and song.

I understand that many parents today know little or nothing of the internet, Facebook, Twitter, Craigslist, and other social networking bullshit, but they HAVE to become informed.  Once upon a time there were no televisons or VCRs, but parents had to learn to adapt to those technological wonders and get with the times.  They had to be diligent and learn about different tv shows and movies and what effects they were having on their kids.  Eventually we got Parental Controls, but that's only HALF of the answer -- a parent still has to be there physically, and many of these pussy parents of today haven't a clue.  Not one damn clue. 

Villages don't raise children anymore...whorish celebutantes do.  Facebook Friends do.  School cliques do.  ANTM does.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Where are the examples?  Where are the REAL role models?  And somebody for the love of Christ, Buddha, and Vishnu tell me WHERE THE HELL IS DISCIPLINE?  People are so damn afraid of coming across as "mean" or hurting someone's fragile little feelings or even getting sued that discipline -- REAL DISCIPLINE, not standing in a fucking corner for 2 minutes or getting SAC or saying "bad girl!"-- real discipline is just dead with the dodo.  It makes me shake my head in disbelief and regret and just plain sadness.

Sometimes I sit around and think about what my future children will look like, how smart they'll be, or talented or funny.  And then I have to ask myself if it's even FAIR to bring a child into this world.  What sorts of challenges would they face?  I'd like to believe that I'd be involved and be vigilant like my own mom was when I was growing up...but would it be enough?  If someone tormented my child the way I was tormented, or the way they tortured Phoebe Prince, then heaven help them ALL -- I don't know WHAT I'd do.  I'd most likely end up in prison, I can tell you that.

I want to believe that this fake, plastic, shallow, overly-sensitive, disillusioned society that we live in will evolve into something we can all be proud to be a part of, something that the gods themselves would smile upon (yours, mine, all of them).  I want SO BADLY to believe that we can redeem ourselves somehow and at least begin to correct the grave mistakes and miscarriages of justice of the past.  I want to believe...I want to have hope and faith in that.  But I don't see it happening in my lifetime.  Maybe it will take another couple of generations, once these kids' kids' kids are older and have children of their own, and once the internet and social networking are mere afterthoughts.  Parents will be used to having to parent in these new and different ways, and they'll be able to look back on us in disbelief.  Maybe they can usher in a new Golden Age, a social Renaissance, if you will. Friedrich Nietzsche wrote:  "In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man's torments."  ...

...I guess I'll have to be tormented a little longer, then.


  1. this almost exactly mirrors my thoughts. i read about this girl the other day, someone on myspace posted a blog about it, and i was disgusted. i too was bullied in school and i SERIOUSLY considered taking my life several times. girls are mean, nasty bitches, and to this day i have difficulty trusting ANY female.
    why is there nothing in place to protect children in these situations?
    there should be SOME sanctuary someplace where a tortured child can go for help.. there really needs to be.
    i couldnt even go to a parent, they were as cold and mean as what i was facing in school. my oldest daughter is now about to face these years, and im terrified for her. what advice can i offer her? almost nothing. and im so meek and easily trampled i dont know if i COULD come to her rescue..

    i really do think most kids these days need a thorough beating

  2. Zeri, I'm sorry to hear that you were a bully victim too. That sort of thing just burns me up inside so much it makes me SICK.

    I really wish I had the answer to where kids could go. I always wonder that myself. The internet perpetuates things SO much more...if 5 people bullied you back in the day, 2500 people could do it now because of the anonymity of the internet. Hell, you could have someone in Indonesia saying shit about you. It's so disheartening...

    I guess it's best for kids to have other kids to talk to, and positive places to channel the hurt and frustration (extracurricular classes & clubs, volunteer work, after school programs, etc). The whole thing is just disgusting.

  3. Do you guys remember the two chicks who literally beat the shit out of a girl just for some rumors? It was awhile back, but they did some real damage to the girl and even video recorded it! The girl being attacked didn't even fight back. She didn't give the two little bitches the pleasure. When this came out, our school was like "Holy banana peels, that can happen here!" and went crazy for like half the year about bullying.

    I think the video is still up somewhere. It's pretty intense. I can't remember if the stupid girls received any form of punishment for it.

    Girls fight to do damage, boys fight to make a point.

  4. girls are always more vicious and sadistic. this is why the native americans let the women torture prisoners. women have a HIGH capacity for malice. she knows how to hurt you.. and will enjoy doing it.
    our culture these days rewards this kind of berhaviour. look at american idol, where the 'less than perfect' contestants are made fun of and ridiculed. kids see this. kids think this is acceptable behaviour. and its not just that show, but many many other that have this same sort of messege.
    and personaly, i think parenting can only go so far. once a girl becomes a pre teen, she listens more to pop culture and her friends than she does her parents...
    and for most girls to 'fit in' they need to be cutthroat...
    its really quite disgusting, high school society. females have to compete even harder than males. we have to compete WITH the males for equality, and we have to compete with other females for dominance.

    cause face it ladies, we do. even best girl friends will compete with each other. whos prettier, whos the better dancer, bla bla. we are hard wired to be this way.

    i dont see any real solution..we really need to do somthing to help our young girls develop in the right direction.. but what? and how?

  5. Those are some damn good points Zeri. Thank you for bringing that up. And yeah...we females can all be horribly cut-throat with each other. I try to explain to my husband all the time how vicious and vindictive women can be -- nearly limitless if you catch her in the wrong mood at the right time...

  6. Man, when I heard about that I seriously wanted to punch the screen! That is so incredibly horrible I'm nearly lost for words! This is why I want boys...I can handle male anger and angst, but girls are sneaky and emotional and I just don't want to deal with that shit all over again....
    I'm just thankful I live in a town where that kind of shit doens't go on...too much hippie love....

  7. I'm TOTALLY jealous of that Kash...I want to live in hippie love town too! :(

  8. I was bullied too. I didnt let it get to me though, for some reason I just didn't care.

    Girls are just awful, they're worse than that stupid movie that was made about them.

    My neice is only 6 years old. So loving and just loves to make new friends and be around people. She's home schooled now because shes a little on the heavy side and kids were just awful to her physically and emotionally. This little girl wants to be friends with everyone. But my sister would see her on the playground at recess time and she'd be off in the corner by herself staring at her feet. It makes me sick. It makes me sad, and it makes me pissed off. Kids shouldn't be bullied into being home schooled. I wish I could meet those little brats' parents. I'd make sure to tell them whats up.

  9. his is terrible, it is really and truly horrifying. I am lost for words, I really am. Here in England schools set up anti-bulling policies, but I don't think they work.
    I was bullied in Primary school by a girl who was supposed to be my friend and although I wasnt bullied after that my friends were still absolute bitches.

    What's worse is, I've actually been in a schhl whereit was the TEACHERS who did the bulling.

  10. I was bullied from 3rd grade up until the 10th grade where I dropped out because it got too intense. My mom had to put me through therapy and medication.

    The counselors never believe the child being bullied. It is the school systems fault for not catching onto these things sooner, as well as some parents. My mother had no idea how bad it was because I was too scared to tell her.

    The parents of the bullies should be held responsible as well as the kids who harassed the girl.

    There was actually a case of a mother of a girl making up a fake myspace pretending to be a boy and got this girl to like "him". Then preceded to tell her "he" never liked her and called her names and said horrible things to her over the internet. The girl killed herself. Now that's an adult, a mother of girl who went to school with the other girl, doing the tormenting.
    I do believe she never got charged with anything.