Apologies and explanations

I had planned on making a long post defending myself against TMN's comments about me.  But I don't have the strength to do it now.

I wasn't trying to "finger-wag" them at all.  I've kept mum about my feelings on TMN this entire time.  It hasn't ever seemed necessary to mention it.  For the record, I do NOT hate Mare's Nest.
  I don't love them either.  Have I taken them too seriously in the past?  You bet.  I've been sad when they didn't mention something I said or praised someone else for something that I had mentioned first -- silly things.  I've tried really hard to turn that around and not take it all so seriously, but I've definitely done it.

TMN has NEVER made a bad comment about me.  The few times they've mentioned me they seemed to agree with what I said or did.  I haven't ever had any beef with them.  They seem to now think that I'm some other kind of person, and I'm sad to hear that.  I'm not going to lose any sleep over it though.  I can't exactly track down these nameless, faceless people and force them to forgive me and love me.  What can I do?  How can I defend myself?  Should I try to get a spot on Public Access tv and have my husband stand beside me looking pitiful while I issue a tearful canned apology?  What can I do?

Maybe what I said came across the wrong way.  I felt similar about Mare's approach to the Jack thing as I did about the Netherlia thing (which they had no problem with me saying):  if TMN had it right and Jack really did all of these dangerously horrible things, then he deserved some sort of punishment and it was terrible.  If it was just another annoying troll case, then maybe getting the law involved went a little far.  With the Netherlia thing, I said that if she really did fake her death, like TMN said, and had people mourning and sad and upset, then it was disgusting, but if TMN got the whole thing wrong and was mistaken, then my sympathy towards her death stood firm.

I didn't realize that Jack had actually taken things further than being an annoying brat.  I thought he had just said some stupid things; I didn't realize that he had actually threatened anyone, so I apologize for my lack of insight on that.  I wasn't trying to finger-wag these people.  What, am I Jarsie now?

I try to stay out of all the flames and fights and all of that, and now I'm part of some weird thing.  I've got AE thinking I'm some sort of ranting, raving troll or something (she laid into me pretty good on Vid's chatbox, and I've never even spoken to her before -- she doesn't know me and we've never spoken o_O), and it's so wild because I always try to stay away from that sort of thing.  It upsets me when people have the wrong impression of me...I know I shouldn't care, but I'm only human for godssake.  I had a great weekend with my family, got to see my little cousin graduate high school with honors while mourning for all of my loved ones that are no longer living to see that milestone, and I come back to all of this. 

For what it's worth, I'm not a finger-wagging know-it-all troll.  I'm just a scraggly adult trying to eek out a living in this bitch of a world we live in.  If I offended anyone, I'm truly sorry -- that was NOT my intention.  The only person that should even care is Vid, and she and I have made peace with it.  I don't always agree with what Mare says or does, and I shouldn't feel like I HAVE to or else I'm the enemy.  I would LOVE to be in their shoes -- completely and utterly anonymous and free to say and do whatever in the world they want while keeping their real community identities & reputations intact. I'm not trying to make enemies with these people -- what would be the point of that?  They serve a purpose and function in the community just like everyone else.  But I do stand by my belief that sometimes we take what they say & do to heart too much.  They've said similar things themselves.

A lot of things are clearer to me now.  I see the handwriting on the wall, as my grandmother would say.  There's nothing more I can do about any of this, so if you want to hate me now, I'm really sorry to hear that, but what can I do?  I've been a member of this community for 10 years, and I'll always love it.  I've met some awesome people that want to keep in touch with.  Maybe I should just shrink back into the shadows and leave all of the commenting to everyone else.  I'm not even sure at this point -- it seems like no matter what I say or do, it's wrong.  What do you do about that?  It isn't enough that I have to deal with all the other insane, crazy bullshit in my real life...now I'm a target here too?

TMN said this:
"We admit we were unhappy that things had come to this – had become so serious, but we are not going to take any finger-wagging lectures from Clairezy018, Cele Seraphym, Amieezilla, Jessamine Diane or anyone else saying we ‘went too far’."

I don't want them to "take" anything.  I don't think anyone should have to "take" something that they feel is undeserved, which is why I've said we all should do what we can to fight this whole Forum banning bullshit.  The "comrades" probably don't think they have to "take" what TMN says about them either.  I'm not sure how I would feel if they were stalking me the way they do some people, and those people probably consider what Mare's does as harassment (we've all seen people say that before), whether it actually is or isn't.  I'm glad TMN won't take it -- I certainly wasn't trying to "dish it" --  but if some people think they did go to far, so what?  Isn't it just a difference of opinion?  I don't think the Mare folks will lose any sleep over any of this either.  It's just another thing.

I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone, or if anyone found fault with anything I said.  I ran away from the TS3 Forum because of all the censorship, and I sure as hell don't want to have to start censoring what I say around here or on other blogs...but now I'm not so sure.  Maybe it's all the same no matter where you go.  That's why I always hold back and keep most of my opinions to myself.  But when I do that, I'm accused of not being genuine (RD asked me that once...she thinks I should say whatever the hell I want and NOT hold back).