Sunday, May 23, 2010

Apologies and explanations

I had planned on making a long post defending myself against TMN's comments about me.  But I don't have the strength to do it now.

I wasn't trying to "finger-wag" them at all.  I've kept mum about my feelings on TMN this entire time.  It hasn't ever seemed necessary to mention it.  For the record, I do NOT hate Mare's Nest.
  I don't love them either.  Have I taken them too seriously in the past?  You bet.  I've been sad when they didn't mention something I said or praised someone else for something that I had mentioned first -- silly things.  I've tried really hard to turn that around and not take it all so seriously, but I've definitely done it.

TMN has NEVER made a bad comment about me.  The few times they've mentioned me they seemed to agree with what I said or did.  I haven't ever had any beef with them.  They seem to now think that I'm some other kind of person, and I'm sad to hear that.  I'm not going to lose any sleep over it though.  I can't exactly track down these nameless, faceless people and force them to forgive me and love me.  What can I do?  How can I defend myself?  Should I try to get a spot on Public Access tv and have my husband stand beside me looking pitiful while I issue a tearful canned apology?  What can I do?

Maybe what I said came across the wrong way.  I felt similar about Mare's approach to the Jack thing as I did about the Netherlia thing (which they had no problem with me saying):  if TMN had it right and Jack really did all of these dangerously horrible things, then he deserved some sort of punishment and it was terrible.  If it was just another annoying troll case, then maybe getting the law involved went a little far.  With the Netherlia thing, I said that if she really did fake her death, like TMN said, and had people mourning and sad and upset, then it was disgusting, but if TMN got the whole thing wrong and was mistaken, then my sympathy towards her death stood firm.

I didn't realize that Jack had actually taken things further than being an annoying brat.  I thought he had just said some stupid things; I didn't realize that he had actually threatened anyone, so I apologize for my lack of insight on that.  I wasn't trying to finger-wag these people.  What, am I Jarsie now?

I try to stay out of all the flames and fights and all of that, and now I'm part of some weird thing.  I've got AE thinking I'm some sort of ranting, raving troll or something (she laid into me pretty good on Vid's chatbox, and I've never even spoken to her before -- she doesn't know me and we've never spoken o_O), and it's so wild because I always try to stay away from that sort of thing.  It upsets me when people have the wrong impression of me...I know I shouldn't care, but I'm only human for godssake.  I had a great weekend with my family, got to see my little cousin graduate high school with honors while mourning for all of my loved ones that are no longer living to see that milestone, and I come back to all of this. 

For what it's worth, I'm not a finger-wagging know-it-all troll.  I'm just a scraggly adult trying to eek out a living in this bitch of a world we live in.  If I offended anyone, I'm truly sorry -- that was NOT my intention.  The only person that should even care is Vid, and she and I have made peace with it.  I don't always agree with what Mare says or does, and I shouldn't feel like I HAVE to or else I'm the enemy.  I would LOVE to be in their shoes -- completely and utterly anonymous and free to say and do whatever in the world they want while keeping their real community identities & reputations intact. I'm not trying to make enemies with these people -- what would be the point of that?  They serve a purpose and function in the community just like everyone else.  But I do stand by my belief that sometimes we take what they say & do to heart too much.  They've said similar things themselves.

A lot of things are clearer to me now.  I see the handwriting on the wall, as my grandmother would say.  There's nothing more I can do about any of this, so if you want to hate me now, I'm really sorry to hear that, but what can I do?  I've been a member of this community for 10 years, and I'll always love it.  I've met some awesome people that want to keep in touch with.  Maybe I should just shrink back into the shadows and leave all of the commenting to everyone else.  I'm not even sure at this point -- it seems like no matter what I say or do, it's wrong.  What do you do about that?  It isn't enough that I have to deal with all the other insane, crazy bullshit in my real I'm a target here too?

TMN said this:
"We admit we were unhappy that things had come to this – had become so serious, but we are not going to take any finger-wagging lectures from Clairezy018, Cele Seraphym, Amieezilla, Jessamine Diane or anyone else saying we ‘went too far’."

I don't want them to "take" anything.  I don't think anyone should have to "take" something that they feel is undeserved, which is why I've said we all should do what we can to fight this whole Forum banning bullshit.  The "comrades" probably don't think they have to "take" what TMN says about them either.  I'm not sure how I would feel if they were stalking me the way they do some people, and those people probably consider what Mare's does as harassment (we've all seen people say that before), whether it actually is or isn't.  I'm glad TMN won't take it -- I certainly wasn't trying to "dish it" --  but if some people think they did go to far, so what?  Isn't it just a difference of opinion?  I don't think the Mare folks will lose any sleep over any of this either.  It's just another thing.

I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone, or if anyone found fault with anything I said.  I ran away from the TS3 Forum because of all the censorship, and I sure as hell don't want to have to start censoring what I say around here or on other blogs...but now I'm not so sure.  Maybe it's all the same no matter where you go.  That's why I always hold back and keep most of my opinions to myself.  But when I do that, I'm accused of not being genuine (RD asked me that once...she thinks I should say whatever the hell I want and NOT hold back).


  1. Cel. You better not leave. You're the one person in the community that I agree with 100% of the time. Say whatever the eff you want. This is the damn internet after all, it's not a facking time out. Speak your mind! The more power to you. As for the AE thing, I saw that, and I just made a post defending you. This was no ones business but you and vid. And the mare got involved. So what? If the mare changes peoples opinions about others then those people obviously have issues thinking for themselves. Just shrug it off. Now the heat will probably be on me for talkin' crap on my blog XD. Just continue speaking your mind.

  2. Cele, I have a TON of respect for you and almost everyone I know does, too. I stopped going to the TS3 forums after I dropped out of Gothique Beauty (as LyrianFleur if you remember) almost entirely because of the censoring and drama, and since I lost interest in the Sims almost completely since them I haven't been to any purely Sims forums either (which is why you haven't seen me at Cece's board. I just joined to comment on all the pretty pictures from the Gothique thing.)

    I kind of agree with you about the Jack thing. Not the notifying the authorities, so much, but the fact that before they did that, their "reporting" probably prodded him to do more trolling. However, they CAN'T be blamed for his actions, but it's something I see on a regular basis. The trolls will do more trolling if they get the exposure and the attention. Having posts about them at TMN provides a ton of both. I didn't agree with them detailing how exactly they got that personal information, though. It just makes it easier for others to get to. Honestly, if it were my decision, I would've alerted the authorities BEFORE posting all that, with a disclaimer afterwards that it had been hence deleted/erased (if it had.) But TMN doesn't much like me and I doubt my opinion is worth two beans to them. Searching "VintageLydia" on TMN will bring up all sorts of posts about how horrible I am.

    But you shouldn't have to censor yourself. Don't let what AE said alter what you do. That being said, I also have a mostly private blog. It's not that I talk about people behind their backs with it or anything, but not everyone needs to know details about my private life. There are very few people I trust and fewer still that are online. Maybe I shouldn't trust anyone online but they're people who've been there for me and I've been there for them.

    Now I'm rambling, lol. But I just want to say: Keep doing what you're doing. You're one of the few genuinely nice people in this community.

  3. PS I love Plinko. I think I come to your blog on a near-daily basis to play!

  4. VintageLydia stay away from my PLINKO!! That's my game and I'll have no other fingerprints fondling my game! Lol!
    On a serious note, I think ALL of this has gotten extremely out of hand. A 'hand' came down and smacked a truly amazingly nice person. I knew that Cel was a straight shooter from the ts3 forums, extremely intelligent, well spoken and creativity that is INSANE. To see her hurt literally hurts me. I hate seeing good people knocked down.
    So Cel is knocked for giving her opinion? I don't know the entire story but thats the picture I'm getting.
    If we are not allowed to express our opinions then what an extremely boring and mundane this world would be.
    We are not meant to agree with everyone, debates are a norm and hindering someone the God giving right of freewill is a fail.
    I am sure that Cel meant NO harm with her comments regarding the mare or Vid. I truly adore both of these young ladies and wish no harm on either. I also don't feel it's fair for anyone to pit one against the other. We need to have a full understanding of the what if's before we start running our mouths about a situation.
    It's those that don't have the full story but decide to proclaim their theories are the ones that cause calamity in the lives of innocent people.
    We can't govern our lives based on the words of others.
    Cel you are a great, understanding and straight up true friend. You tell it like it is...yet you do so without purposely intending to harm or hurt anyone.
    Whatever this is that's going on, I say that surely it's fixable. I'm a sensitive person who can get my feelings hurt easily...but I've also learned how to shake it off and keep on stepping because in the long run, these same people that may have hurt me, don't pay my rent, medical bills, groceries and they def don't control my life.
    I'm also to the point of, either I like you or I don't...period. No middle ground...I'm sincere and honest in this and won't change it. I've too many knife wounds in my back to ignore those that I see are obviously out to tarnish my name or purposely hurt and abuse me.
    Cel, you are my girl and I respect you 100%! I try to not take sides, but would rather look at it from all angles and see if there is a possible resolution and healing of the situation.
    You and Vid are close friends and to remain close friends the first thing you have to do when confronted with a situation like this is to cut out the outside world and focus on just the both of you and see if it's worth fixing.
    Hang in there Cel, I'm here.
    My motto is: I trust you until you give me a reason not too. I live by it.
    Hugz to you!!!

    Ps: VintageLydia I will def have to change my site if you feel it's purely Sim related...that is NOT what I was wanting to achieve. I want my site to be open and with little restriction. I don't want people feeling like they have to censor every little word they say and tippy toeing around. Be you!! Bring you!! Come to the site and feel like you are just 'chilling' and that's all. Yes...we can talk about Sims, but how many sites have a chatbox titled, 'party and bullshit' and we talk about EVERYTHING but each other!!

  5. Well said Cece. I have to agree with EVERYTHING she said cel. and i have nothing to add to it (damn you cece for taking all the good stuff! xD)

    i loves you celery! i hate seeing you sad. makes me sad :( *big hug*

  6. Maybe I should be around more, Cece. I'll definitely come by a little more often if I can!

  7. Okay, so this is long, if you can't be arsed reading it, I'll understand.

    I see where you're coming from, no matter what you say on YOUR blog, somebody's gonna bash you for it. And really, if it's a blog, you should be able to say what ever yo damn well please. If people attack you for doing so then they are just bitches.

    And Cel, The Mare's Nest is getting a bit FULL OF THEMSELVES. That's what I ment by my comment. (maybe I should word things better, I dunno) They don'trule the roost and their opinion isn't any more or less important than anyone elses. Personly, now this is MY opinion, I'd rather read you blog, Evie's blog and several other blogs rather than The Mare's. To me, their opinion dosn't matter very much, but generally speaking, their oppinion is equal to everybody else's. Yes, the Mares ar funny, and they are also very clever to create their own CC, but to me, I just don't understand why people fawn over them, so to speak.

    As for AE, don't get me started on her. She's told me to act my age in one of her blog posts, when she's the one making bitchy blog posts about people. If she didn't accept my apology then fine, she didn't need to insult it. She didn't need to point out my spelling mistakes when I explained myself over the whole FuryRed thing. And wht she said about you was also uncalled for. But that's obviously just how she gets her kicks.

    In conclusion, I think you need a virtual hug. *hugs Cel*


  9. I don't know what to guys are amazing for coming here and posting those things. I thank you all so, so much for that. The people that KNOW me know how I am and where I stand on things. I know that's all that matters.

    Evie, the LAST thing I want is for you to take any heat for what you've said. You don't deserve that at ALL, and if it happens I'll be so're one of those people that has made an impact on my REAL life, and I'll remember that and respect your forever. People come and go out of our lives all the time, but some people leave their mark. All of you guys have done that in some way, and nothing in the world will ever make me forget it. Never.

    Lyrian! I haven't seen you in ages! -- I wondered what was going on. I had no idea that you had a negative relationship with TMN, and I'm surprised because I'm not familiar with anything you've done to warrant that -- all I've seen is you being respectful, encouraging, and insanely creative. That blows my mind.

    There's so much more I want to say, and I don't have the room to say it all. I'll say all of these things to you all privately, because it isn't anyone else's business.

    If any of you ever doubts my sincerity about something or questions my motives or opinions, please let me know! If you have an issue with something I've said, then PLEASE don't hesitate to tell me. THE ONLY THING I ASK is that you come to me first, privately, and let us discuss it. When these things play out in the glare of a public forum or blog, they get blown WAAAAAAYYYY the fuck out of proportion, just like this has. I did get frustrated in Vid's blog, but I wasn't "exploding" and ranting and raving like the peanut gallery said. And frankly, when I did get frustrated in that conversation, it WASN'T because of Vid, it was because of the potshot peanut gallery comments (in her chatbox) that were completely uncalled for.

    I want all of this business to be done with. Vid and I made peace with it all, and that's what matters. As far as everything else, I guess it is what it is. I don't want to keep any feuds going because it will get really ugly, and I don't want to add that to this already bruised community. I'm not going to let that chick's comments upset me any further because she doesn't know me at all, and she doesn't have jack shit to do with any of it anyway. This isn't jr. high school; I'm a grown woman and I can see this shit for what it really is, and I can see people for what THEY really are. I know who matters to me and who doesn't.

    That all being said, I honestly thank all of you for your words and advice (and Jess, your post wasn't too long -- have you seen mine?! LOL). You guys help make this a better community, and I'm better off for knowing you all.

    I guess that's it. Let's just let this thing die a quiet death and be done with it. *big bear hugs to you all*

  10. Glad you're feeling better Cel. *hugs back*

  11. No matter what TMN or anyone else says I will always enjoy your posts and the contributions you make to this community.

  12. TMN is a good read, but its not the friggin bible. (not that i read THAT lol) the point is, alot of ppl take their words too seriously, and it seems alot of the bullshit this weekend was partly due to that. the other part, was ppls tendency to run their mouths. i dont understand why anyone would say anything bad about you. from everything i have witnesed, you are a sweet, creative, sensitive person.
    you sure as hell shouldnt let what random teenagers on the internet say about you effect you. this ISNT high school, and the whole world shouldnt have to act as if it is.
    thats one of the things that really frustrates me about most people. the needless teenage drama. just shrug it off. i know thats easier said than done. and i am one to talk, look how i fell apart during that craiglist fiasco! lol. but you can do it, i know you are stronger than you think you are

  13. What's up Zeri! *hugs* You got SCREWED during that Craigslist fiasco -- you had every right to react the way you did. That was some BULLSHIT.

    I'll email you later tonight. ^_^


    A formal apology from me to you awaits on my blog along with explanation.